As those of you who are regular readers of ErosBlog should be aware (and those of you who are not regular ErosBlog readers ought to be!) its proprietor Bacchus is now offering a Rule 34 Research Service. “Rule 34” is a grand principle sometimes stated as “if it exists, there is a porn of it.” The philosopher in me cannot help but add a tiny emendation to “exists,” which is to be interpreting it broadly to include mental as well as physical objects, and “there is” means that it can be found somewhere in human culture and, probably, on the Internet. Thus in this sense Sherlock Holmes “exists” even though he is a fictional character. And via Rule 34, we can also conclude that porn of Sherlock Holmes getting it on with Dr. Watson is to be found on the Internet. For that matter, porn of Sherlock Holmes getting it on with Gandalf is also to be found on the Internet. You get the picture. Or if you don’t, there’s always Google image search.

And, for highly specialized subjects for which the touch of a true human expert is needed, there’s Bacchus, who would be Distinguished Professor of Pornography if any such position existed. (Sadly, there is no analog to Rule 34 for academic positions!) Since it happens that I do have some rather specialized interests (have you noticed?), I decided to give Bacchus’s service a whirl.

I proposed to him that he try looking for examples of what might be called “forced washing” as an erotic trope. I had played with this in the “washing machine dream” sequence that appeared in the final chapter of Gnosis Dreamscapes and, as I claim for myself depravity but not originality, was interested to see what else might be out there.

Here is what Bacchus came up with. I have done some light editing to make it more post-like and included some images. I have placed Bacchus’s text in red to distinguish it from me own.

Bacchus’s Rule 34 Report

Hi, thanks for ordering a comprehensive Rule 34 report! You asked for a full treatment on the topic of women being forcibly and mechanically washed (and, inevitably, stimulated as well, if the washing be thorough) in the style depicted in your Gnosis College comic sequence that stars the Lav-O-Matic X5000.

Although I did not find much in the way of fully-developed long-format porn on this topic, it’s a recurring trope in both porn and popular culture, with several nice examples available.

Lav-O-Matic Analogs In The Real World:

Efforts to actually manufacture robotic washing machines for humans have actually been made. Although these devices have fewer moving parts than the Lav-O-Matic X5000 and seem not to be designed for “fully managing” the movements of the washees, that’s perhaps something a creative tinkerer could improve upon!

From history, we have Sanyo’s Ultrasonic Bath human washing machine, as demonstrated at the 1970 Osaka World Expo. It’s deliciously pod-like and includes vigorous automated massage

Sample illustration at the link, click through for more:

In 2004 an updated version of this appears to have been marketed to nursing homes.

You could do a lot with one of these by adding a padlock and navigating the pain/pleasure spectrum by tinkering with the water temperature…

See also this Japanese robotic hair-washing device. I09 calls it “oddly sensuous” and has video:

See also this real vintage hair drying machine.

Moving on to toilets, the notorious Japanese “smart toilets” include seat heat, massage, adjustable water sprays and jets fore and aft, and in some cases, smart-phone apps for control. It seems natural enough that these devices could be (have been) end user modified (bondage fixtures affixed plus vigorous use of massage functions and water jets) and/or hacked for remote control surprises. However, I was unable to find any porn of that (yet).

Lav-O-Matic style Machines In Popular Culture (non-porn)

The ur-story on this that everybody has seen is the Silly Symphonies “Practical Pig” episode where the Big Bad Wolf is captured and bound in a robotic lie-detecting machine. When he lies, the machine scrubs his mouth out with soap, gives him a spanking, and raps his knuckles with a ruler. (The fun starts at 4:50)

A couple of fanciful personal grooming robots (consensual) can be found in these pictures.

There are also two fanciful robotic personal grooming machines (one for men, one for women) and a robotic valet depicted in the 100-year-old postcards shown here.

Example: click through for the full article.

Mechanical/Forcible Washing In Porn

The closest commercial porn to this fetish probably comes out of Water Bondage, a no-longer-updated (and thus very cheap) porn site from Kink.com. Although they never built a fully-automated robotic people washer, they combined bondage and water and some very clever nozzles and sprayers and robotic/mechanical dildos, in a way that approaches the subject fantasy fairly closely. See, e.g. (there are more potential examples on the site) the 4th sample movie clip here. They also built an enormous (but hand-operated) dunk-tank-and-water-wheel bondage machine.

Forcible but not mechanical washing is also a common theme at Water Bondage.

Here are a few isolated washed-by-machine porn links I found, starting with one of your own commissions:

• https://eroticmadscience.com/2011/05/08/dynawash-by-niceman-and-asian-dyna/
• http://danbooru.donmai.us/posts/1029926?tags=washing (anime image; tentacles of some sort, perhaps controled by her mind, helping woman bathe)
• http://mistressdestiny.com/forums/showthread.php?t=342551 (femdom story of a man being treated as laundry by his girlfriend at the laundromat, including being run through a washing machine with her clothes)
• http://www.flogmasterstories.com/storybank/nannybot.html (story: woman is spanked and gets her mouth washed out with soap by a robotic nanny)

There’s a treasure trove of machine-washing erotic stories at this site:

http://www.grometsplaza.net/world/machine/machine1.html

They include:

• http://www.grometsplaza.net/world/machine/storiesad/carwash.html (story: woman in bondage in automated car wash)
• http://www.grometsplaza.net/world/machine/storiesad/carwash2.html (story: different woman, similar carwash setup)
• http://www.grometsplaza.net/world/machine/storiesad/catherine_getscleaned.html (story: prototype office cleaning robots thoroughly clean female intruder)
• http://www.grometsplaza.net/world/machine/storiesek/janegetslaundered.html (story: powerful robotic laundry system run amok)
• http://www.grometsplaza.net/world/machine/storiesek/kellygetswhatshedeserves.html (story: woman sent through industrial washing system by vengeful co-workers)
• http://www.grometsplaza.net/world/machine/storiesek/kennel_maidens.html (kennel employee trapped in robotic dog-washing mechanism)

Moving further afield, here are a few isolated bits of forced/bondage girl-washing porn, no robot or complex machine involved:

• http://www.erosblog.com/2009/01/04/bathtime-ur-doin-it-rong/ (bound in washing machine)

[Faustus interjects — can’t help including this one because it’s rather cute]

• http://www.erosblog.com/2012/11/12/the-cleaning-of-the-queen/ (bondage washing by slave girls)
• http://www.bondageblog.com/2011/08/17/power-wash-the-gangbang-girl/ (bondage washing with power brush)
• http://www.bondageblog.com/2010/10/13/your-hair-still-smells-like-my-cock/ (girl dunked/washed in garbage can)
• http://danbooru.donmai.us/posts/888504?tags=cleaning (bondage pussy cleaning)

And here’s a story of a high-tech home pleasure system hacked by adversaries, lots of robotic forced orgasms but no actual washing.

Final bonus link: Do not attempt to wash Mr. Happy Fun Tentacle Monster!